The First Line of Defense

Children, especially middle and high school students, may not come right out and tell you they are being bullied. Armed with a little knowledge, however, and some extra attention to your child’s behavior will put you in a better position to look out for warning signs that your child may be involved in bullying.
As your kids progress through school, be alert to any changes in their friendships. You already know how your child interacts with other kids, but by staying informed about the friends who are in their lives (both in and out of school) will put you in a better position to notice any changes that may occur in their social lives.

A parent’s role in children’s behavior.

Learn. Observe. Act.

Not every child will react similarly to being bullied. The above behaviors are limited to commonalities that have been found among victims. It is also important to note that not every child who exhibits these symptoms is experiencing bullying. Active listening and support by parents can help identify the cause of your child’s behavioral changes.

Your child may be a victim of bullying if:

  • Your child fears going to school.
  • Your child has been out sick a lot or frequently complains of illness.
  • Your child comes home from school with cuts, bruises or damaged clothing, etc.
  • Your child has trouble sleeping or frequent bad dreams.
  • Your child looses interest in schoolwork, activities or suddenly begins to do poorly in school.
  • Your child displays unusual changes in temperament such as sudden moodiness, anger, sadness or depression, especially after coming home from school.
  • Your child avoids social situations, particularly in less structured or unsupervised settings.
  • Your child talks about other kids not liking him/her or mentions wanting to get back at another child.

Your child may be more likely to bully others if:

  • He/she has been accused of being a bully in the past.
  • He/she has been involved in fighting with other children at school.
  • He/she has been bullied by siblings or other relatives.
  • He/she is defiant or has a low-frustration tolerance when not getting his or her way.
  • He/she tends to be dominant or aggressive with peers.
  • He/she often teases or threatens other children.
  • He/she uses negative terms to talk about other kids; indicates that other children “deserve” bad things.

When you need help helping your children.

 
Avoid telling your child to “ignore it” or “let it go.” Instead, encourage them to talk to you so you can help. Even though you may want to protect your child, it’s best not to confront the suspected bully/bullies or their parents, which can escalate the situation.

Share concerns with school. Make an appointment to speak with your child’s teacher. Share what you know and express that you would like to solve the problem. The teacher may not be aware of the bullying, but more likely he or she will be able to share some important information about your child’s life at school. Stay in contact to keep each other informed about the situation. If the bullying has not stopped, follow up with the principal or other administrator at the school.

  • Ensure appropriate adult supervision during activities, both in and out of school.
  • Role-play and discuss different ways kids can respond to a bully. Your child may know what he or she should do but not be able to actually do it when experiencing the bullying.
  • Encourage your child to speak up for himself/herself when being bullied by reporting the bullying to a trusted adult in their school.
  • Encourage your child to speak with friends about bullying. Kids are less likely to be targets when they are part of a group. It also may be helpful to have another classmate accompany them to report bullying.
  • Seek help from a school psychologist, social worker or counselor, as they may be able to offer additional suggestions and advocate for better intervention efforts.
  • Focus on your child’s emotional needs. Avoid blaming your child for the bullying or criticizing the way it was handled.

Dealing w/Cyberbullying as a Parent.

Cyberbullying is the use of the Internet or other technology to send or post harmful or cruel text or images about others. Chat rooms and social networking sites such as Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, Tumblr and Formspring allow children to send or post hurtful messages, in some cases anonymously.
As a parent, there are some steps you can take to address cyberbullying:

  • Teach proper ways to respond. Encourage your child not to respond to or forward any threatening or other hurtful messages.
  • Document bullying. Do not delete any information until it has been printed, copied, etc.
  • Block offender from further contact. Contact cell phone provider, Internet service provider or website content provider to discuss having offensive material removed and to prevent the bully from having future contact with your child.
  • Contact the school. Enlist the help of the school psychologist, school counselor, principal or other relevant personnel.
  • Contact police. When physical threats or other aggressive messages have been made.

References: (1) National Association of School Psychologists, Bullies and Victims: Information for Parents (PDF) (2) American Psychological Association, Bullying: What Parents, Teachers Can Do to
Stop It (3) Principal Leadership, September 2008, Cyberbullying

Content contributed in part by Erica Maniago, Ph.D.